• Anthony Dimitrion, LCSW, CCSC

He wants to put it where?! A Woman's Guide to Anal Play


There comes a time in any relationship where a couple decides that it might be a little fun to try something different. That something different may very well be anal play.


What is anal play?

My personal definition of anal play is "any pleasurable experience occurring on, in, or around the rectum and anus." This can include the butt cheeks, exterior and interior anus, and rectum.


Why would I want to engage in anal play?

The exterior portion of the anus (butthole) has a lot of nerve endings and can be extremely pleasurable when stimulated orally or with a lubricated finger, penis, or sex toy. Anal penetration with a lubricated finger, penis, or sex toy can also be very pleasurable for a woman given she is relaxed.


How is anal penetration pleasurable for a woman?

When relaxed anal penetration can be a very pleasurable experience. The anterior wall of the rectum is very close in proximity to the vagina and the clitoral legs (internal portion of the clitoris). When being anally penetrated the pressure of the object rubbing up against the anterior wall will lead to stimulation of the vagina/clitoral legs. This can lead to orgasm for some women.


Doesn't anal penetration hurt?

Anal penetration will not hurt if you are able to relax the anal muscles, and you and your partner (if applicable) communicate and listen to one another.


How do I prepare hygiene wise for anal play?

Most of the time if you have regular bowl movements you should be clean down there. If you wish to freshen up, take a shower before anal play. I do not recommend having penetrative anal sex after a bowl movement or soon after a meal.

How can my partner and I begin anal penetration without it hurting?

- Kegel exercises (tensing and relaxing your "butt muscles") prior to sexual play can help relax the muscles for anal penetration.

- Sexual foreplay around the anus will help relax the anal muscles even more. Have your partner take some lube and squeeze it on their hand. Have them massage the lube on and around your butthole.

- As it begins to feel good, have them begin to wiggle their finger on your butthole slowly allowing it to penetrate your anus.

- Communication will be important. If at any time you are feeling uncomfortable let them know to stop.

- If desired, as you become more relaxed have your partner begin to rub his penis or their sex toy in the same fashion as with their finger, slowly allowing anal penetration to occur.


Anal play can be an enjoyable and sexy experience for both partners. As long as there is communication and mutual understanding amongst both partners anal play can be another form of sexual play that you can add to your repertoire.

1 view0 comments

An affirmative space where you can be authentic.

  • White Facebook Icon

© 2023 by David Bell. Proudly created with Wix.com

LGBTQ+ Affirmative Therapist in Ridgewood, NJ 07450.